We shall cover "HOPE" in this post. Hope is more than just a wish. A true hope should at least have the following parts:
- A Meaningful Vision of he/she can become.
- An Assurance of help and the road map.
- A faith that he/she can do it.
There must a reason for our existence and our continuation in life. A powerful reason is that we are loved and loved for being who we are without needing any performance on our part. But strangely, a person who is loved much want to give much! (Luke 7:47 Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.) No one want to live on others charity and be a burden to others. But most need help to find out what good they can contribute.
This is against conventional wisdom of 'performance comes before appreciation'. Conventional wisdom is about have-do-be. Godly wisdom is about be-do-have; identity first leading to work and to possession of good work. (See "Be-Do-Have" of Grace Based Doctrine).
We must follow our acceptance with a discovery and painting of his/her identity and the working out of the identity to become a mature person of accomplishments.
It takes wisdom and effort to jointly discover what he or she truly is. What is he/her gifting and uniqueness.
A a typical counseling session, we need to understand the present problems, bring a closure to the past hurts, and spend more time on painting a better future. The past could not be changed. The future is decided by the present decisions. Spending more time painting the future creates the motivation when we give the assurance that such future is possible.
2. An Assurance of help and the road map
Joh_16:33 I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.
Mat 4:19 And he said to them, "Follow me, and I will make you fishers of men.Future is uncertain and scary especially to someone who are depressed or lost his job for some time or loved ones. A good vision can only be motivating if he/she can believe it is within his/her reach.
We must give the assurance of our help and also to help work out the road map to achieve the vision. The road map need not be detailed. Only the few steps of actions to take. If a step is too big, break it down into smaller steps.
Finally, must get agreement on just the next step to take and the assistance you will give to help he/she take the step. We must be careful not to over-help that create a dependency. Helping is not doing the thing that he/she need to do. From I do & you follow to You do & I watch and eventually without my watching at all. We are getting into the process already.
3. A faith that he/she can do it
Real change takes place when he/she has a faith that he/she can do it. The previous two steps are to lead to this faith and belief that he/she can become the person he/she wish to be. It is now no longer a wish but a hope of possibility and all it takes is to step out.
Next Post: Coaching & Encouragement to Sustain the Climb