I used to a be solemnizer for weddings and have given many exhortations to young couples. Last Saturday 3 March 18 was my daughter wedding. What could I tell my daughter and son-in-law about having a good and fulfilling marriage? The exhortations that I gave to others are equally applicable to my daughter and her spouse. This 5C's of Marriage is a key one to be shared with her as I have shared it with others.
Introduction:
Marriage is a blessing ordained by God. Gen 2:24,Mat 19:6.
It is for building each other up and for glorifying God. Here are 5 keys for a successful, satisfying, joyful marriage.
1. Christ first:
Love each other as Christ’s love and with His love. This love is unconditional and unchanging. Not on romance, feeling, economics, other reasons. Such things changes with time. People grow old.
So, we need to draw from Him, especially His Love given to and is in us, and to Give to each other.
Follow His teachings & ask for His wisdom in times of needs and indecisions.
2. Covenantal Commitment of 100%-100%:
Covenant is 100%-100%, not 50%-50% contract. It is not breakable.
It is giving 100% even when you feel the other side is not giving. Not I give only when you give.
We commit to work it out no matter what. Not to give up. No back door or Exit. Encourage each other to go on.
Not depend on feeling. Feelings, security, and joy come from unchanging commitment.
3. Communication & Compliment More:
Know your spouse' love language. Speak to her or him in his language, not yours.
The languages are word, touch, time, service, gift. Always clarify rather than jump to conclusion.
A key part of communication is Compliment – giving of praise & appreciation. Complimenting each other is the glue that holds the relationship together. Saying “Yes”s.
4. Companionship & Caring
Treat your relationship with your spouse more important than with your children.
Spouse is for our keep till the end of this life. Children are to be under our care for their development and to let go later. Parents' relationship affects their children. When a father abuses mother., the son will hate the father & be depressed because he can't protect his mother. The best thing you can for your children is to love each other all the time.
5. Co-operation or Co-labor together
A good relationship is about drawing out & building on each other strengths. It is not to destroy each other. Always encourage and never tear down the each other. Anyone winning is actually a loss to the relationship. All negative remarks can be made positive, such as, instead of "Why are you so late and complaints....", says, "It will be great if you are here earlier …". Do it. Treat each other with Respect - Give benefits of doubt … e.g. late, did not do, … there are good reasons behind. Don't jump to conclusion that he/she does not care or love anymore.
The Final Question:
Five years from now, if you I ask you how much you love her, what will you say?
If you answered "as much as today, the wedding day." then it is wrong.
The right answer should be "More than today."
Love increases with time of investing in the relationship.
Invest in your this precious relationship from now onwards.
Do the five C's of Christ-centered, Commitment, Communication, Companionship & Co-laboring.
Some Testimonies from Books:
A story of Alzheimer wife & professor husband.
Dr. J. Robertson McQuilkin - president of Columbia Bible College; Wife, Muriel suffered Alzheimer's disease for the last twenty years. He gave up his presidency and numerous other responsibilities to care for her and to love her. An incident is recorded in his book “A Promise Kept”
(See https://matttroupe.net/tag/ravi-zacharias/ )
- Once our flight was delayed in Atlanta, and we had to wait a couple of hours. Now that's a challenge. Every few minutes, the same questions, the same answers about what we're doing here, when are we going home? And every few minutes we'd take a fast-paced walk down the terminal in earnest search of what? Muriel had always been a speed walker. I had to jog to keep up with her!
- An attractive woman sat across from us, working diligently on her computer. Once, when we returned from an excursion, she said something, without looking up from her papers. Since no one spoke to me or at least mumbled in protest of our constant activity, "Pardon?" I asked."Oh," she said, I was just asking myself, 'Will I ever find a man to love me like that?'“
Andy Stanley's mother? 92 years old.
She married a man 19 years older. The man loved her much. When she was about 70, unable to take care of her sick husband, she sent him to an old age home to be cared for. She walked, every day, for 2 years, to and fro, for 2.5 miles to the old-age home to care for her husband until his pass away. She said that was the toughest but yet the most joyful life. She wished God would allow her a few more years to care for him!
Lim Liat (c) 5 March 2018
See also:
True Love For Successful Marriage
