How to do good Parenting? Proverbs 29

 We move from good government, good management, to good parenting.

How to be a good parent?

Let Proverbs 29 tell us - correction.

I will augment it with the teachings of Chinese wisdom and Modern Western Psychology, and other related passages of the Bible.

ChatGPT on "Praising Efforts and not the Result for Raising Children" gives the following:

Yes, praising a child's efforts rather than solely focusing on the end result is a well-supported approach in child development. This concept is often associated with the idea of fostering a growth mindset, a term popularized by psychologist Carol Dweck.

Here are some key points to consider:

Encourages Effort and Persistence: When you praise a child's effort, it emphasizes the importance of hard work and perseverance. This can lead to a greater willingness to take on challenges and view mistakes as opportunities to learn.

Builds Resilience: By praising effort, you're helping children develop resilience in the face of setbacks. They learn that it's okay to make mistakes and that the process of learning is just as valuable as the end result.

Fosters Intrinsic Motivation: When children are praised for their effort, they are more likely to develop intrinsic motivation – a genuine interest and enjoyment in the task itself – rather than relying on external validation.

Promotes a Growth Mindset: Children with a growth mindset believe that their abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work. Praising effort aligns with this mindset and encourages a love for learning.

Avoids Fixed Mindset: Praising only the end result may inadvertently communicate that success is solely tied to innate abilities, fostering a fixed mindset. This mindset can lead to a fear of failure and a reluctance to take on challenges.

When offering praise, it's also important to be specific about what effort or behavior you're acknowledging. Instead of general praise like "You're so smart," you might say, "I can see you worked really hard on that puzzle. Your persistence paid off!"

Remember that every child is unique, and it's crucial to adapt your parenting approach based on their individual needs and temperament.

Lim Liat (c) 31 Dec 2023

How to be a Good Manager? Proverbs 29

 From good government, we move to good management.

Proverbs 29 gives us two principles ...

It is too brief. So I quote from Ancient Chinese commanders and Niccolò Machiavelli to explain further.

#1 Pro 29:19 Servants will not learn a lesson if you only talk to them. They might understand you, but they will not obey.

# Two Keys to motivate them: Love & Awe. Awe is achieved with high standards and punishments. Love is achieved by caring, protection, and giving security.

尉缭子《攻权第五》 26、…夫不爱说其心者，不我用也；不严畏其心者，不我举也。爱在下顺，威在上立，爱故不二，威故不犯。故善将者，爱与威而已。

If love cannot touch the hearts of men that they are willing, they cannot be used by me.

If awe, through the use of strict discipline, cannot cause them to fear and respect from the heart, they will not support me.

Love causes the men to follow/obey me. Awe causes the leaders to stand up to be respected.

Because of love, the men will not be double-minded. Because of awe, the men will not violate orders.

Hence the skillful generals must have love and awe and that is all there is to leadership.

Niccolò Machiavelli said that: Ruling with fear is better than ruling with love. It is better for people to fear you rather than respect you. With fear, people must do it or else. With love or respect, obedience is optional and hence less effective.

#2 Pro 29:21 Give your servants everything they want, and they will learn to be wasteful.

Too much money will lead to anyhow spending. This is supported by the venture capitalist case studies. e.g. renting porch offices, overspending on marketing before products are ready, growth at all costs, etc.

 Lim Liat (c) 29 Dec 2023

How to Choose Your Government? Proverbs 29

 Good Government

Who to Choose?

• Pro 29:2 When the rulers are good, the people are happy. When the rulers are evil, the people complain.

  Be a good ruler - People first. Think and work for the people you lead. Servant Leadership.

• Pro 29:4  A nation will be strong when it has a fair and just king.

  A nation will be weak when it has a king who is selfish and demands gifts. 

  Fair & Just. Not selfish nor greedy (accepting bribes)

  • Pro 29:14  If a king judges the poor fairly, he will rule for a long time. 

    Defend the rights even of the poor. Do not be moved by the wealthy

  • Pro 29:26 Many people want the friendship of a ruler, but the LORD is the only one who judges people fairly.

    Rulers can be bribed and judge unfairly. Anti-corruption is important.

• Pro 29:12  If a ruler listens to lies, all his officials will be evil. 

  Wisdom to discern truth and lies and the guts to follow the truth despite the pressure or temptations

• Pro 29:16 If the wicked are ruling the nation, sin will be everywhere, but those who live right will win in the end.

  Follow righteousness and not wickedness for self glory and benefits.

  • Wicked
    • Pro 29:6 Evil people are defeated by their sin, but good people will sing and be happy.
    • Pro 29:7 Good people want to do what is right for the poor, but the wicked don't care.
    • Pro 29:10 If you always try to be honest, murderers will hate you, but those who do what is right will want you to be their friend.

      There will be opposition for doing the right or good things

    • Pro 29:27 Good people think the wicked are disgusting, and the wicked feel disgust for those who are honest.
    • Pro 29:13 In one way the poor and those who steal from them are the same —the LORD made them both.

      So, it is the person that should be responsible for their sin

    • Pro 29:24 You are your own worst enemy if you take part in a crime. You will not be able to tell the truth even when people threaten you.

      When you practice long enough, you will lose your sense of right & wrong

• Pro 29:18 If a nation is not guided by God, the people will lose self-control, but the nation that obeys God's law will be happy.

  Follow God's teachings - don't legalize sins

Lim Liat (c) 29-12-23

Have a Good Start - Making New Year Resolutions for 2024

Let's learn from Proverbs 29.

Here is the mind map giving the key points:

All + All -

Wisdom for Living Well

• 1 Trust God
  • Pro 29:25 Fear can be a trap, but if you trust in the LORD, you will be safe.

    Fear paralyzes planning and action. Must be calm first. It comes from knowing, trusting, and seeking the Lord.

    • Prov 3 Methods of the Wise
    • 大学 知止.png
• 2 Accept Correction

  Growth Mindset

  • Pro 29:1 Some people refuse to bend when someone corrects them. Eventually they will break, and there will be no one to repair the damage.

    Listen and follow good advice. Don't be proud and fixed minded.

• 3 Don't Flatter insincerely
  • Pro 29:5 If you give false praise to others in order to get what you want, you are only setting a trap for yourself.

    false flattery does not work

• 4 Think before Speaking
  • Pro 29:20 There is more hope for a fool than for someone who speaks without thinking.

    think before you speak.

    • + - 三思而后行 think thrice before action
      • "思危，思退，思变。“
        • Think about the danger. (Risk Analysis, Prevention, and Management)
        • Think about withdrawal rather than advancing. An implication will be to do the inverse thinking.
        • Think about change. The external situation may change causing us to change our minds too,
      • Some say to think
        • about the advantages, the disadvantages and a final review before taking action.
      • Should it be said at all? (What is encouraging, meaningful, rational, and beneficial?)
      • Should it be said at this time? (When will be a better time?)
      • Should it be said by me? (Who will be a better person than me to say it?)
      • Ancient Chinese Wisdom teaches us about 天时地利人和 which tells us about
        • The right timing 天时
        • The right place 地利
        • The right relationships and harmony with people 人和.
• 5 Don't Politicize

  Let facts determine actions, not opinions

  • 5.1 Pro 29:8 Proud people who laugh at what is right， cause problems that divide whole cities, but people who are wise are able to calm those who are angry.

    Politicizing divides, truth brings freedom. John 8:31-21 The truth will set you free.

• 6 Deal with Fools
  • 6.1 Pro 29:9 If someone who is wise tries to settle a problem with a fool, the fool will argue and say stupid things, and they will never agree.

    Choose and Speak to your audience. Not everyone will want to listen to you. Matthew 7:6-7 “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.

    • to-answer-or-not-to-answer-it-all a fool.
      • Prov 26:1-10 Dealing with Fools

Proverbs 25 How to Make Effective Conversations

All + All -

Proverbs 25

Effective Conversations

Lim Liat (c) 28-6-17/23-12-23

click on the '+' sign to expand '-' to collapse

• + - Authorship - Solomon
  • + - Pro 25:1
    • These also are proverbs of Solomon which the men of Hezekiah king of Judah copied.
• + - 1 Story of Science - Discover Hidden Truth

  1st Step of Conversation

  The facts and the people's thinking and feelings

  • + - Heart of Man is most Difficult to know
    • + - Pro 25:3
      • As the heavens for height, and the earth for depth, so the heart of kings is unsearchable.
    • + - God hides & Man Discovers
      • + - Pro 25:2
        • It is the glory of God to conceal things, but the glory of kings is to search things out.
  • + - Divide to Understand - Go Below the Surface
    • + - Pro 25:4
      • Take away the dross from the silver, and the smith has material for a vessel;

        remove the cover-up and distortions to get the truth

  • + - Remove Evil Discovered
    • + - Pro 25:5
      • take away the wicked from the presence of the king, and his throne will be established in righteousness.

        have the guts to remove the discovered evils

• + - 2 Not to Show-off

  Give respect. Listen.

  • + - Pro 25:6
    • Do not put yourself forward in the king's presence or stand in the place of the great,
  • + - Pro 25:7
    • for it is better to be told, “Come up here,” than to be put lower in the presence of a noble.
  • Don't talk down on people. Don't praise yourself and be contradicted by others. Better for others to praise you.
• + - 3 Litigation - Don't Be Hasty

  Talk to Person Involved

  Sun Zi: Talk 1st; War is the last resort

  • + - Pro 25:8
    • + - What your eyes have seen do not hastily bring into court, for what will you do in the end, when your neighbor puts you to shame?

      There is more than what you have seen.

      • + - It is risky business to accuse others publicly in court.
        • iChing #5 Litigation
        • + - Selwin, of London: “A man who deliberates about going to law should have,
          • 1. A good cause;
          • 2. A good purse;
          • 3. A good skillful attorney;
          • 4. Good evidence;
          • 5. Good able counsel;
          • 6. A good upright judge;
          • 7. A good intelligent jury; and with all these on his side, if he have not,
          • 8. Good luck, it is odds but he miscarries in his suit.” O the glorious uncertainty of the law!
  • + - Pro 25:9
    • + - [ISV]Instead, take up the matter with your neighbor, and don't betray another person's confidence.

      Always talk to the person involved to get the truth. Don't betray in order to win. The best is not go into litigation and be forced to.

      • The warning would seem to be against being betrayed by a litigious spirit into dishonourable conduct, and incurring the indelible shame of betraying confidence through eagerness to win your suit.
      • if you know anything scandalous and reproachful of your neighbour and his family, you are contending with, which does not concern the cause in hand, do not divulge it, as persons from a spirit of revenge are apt to do, when they are quarrelling or litigating a point with each other.
  • + - Pro 25:10
    • lest he who hears you bring shame upon you, and your ill repute have no end.
• + - 4 Fit the Occasion & Others Feelings

  Be Sensitive to others needs

  • + - Pro 25:11
    • A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.
  • + - Pro 25:20
    • Whoever sings songs to a heavy heart is like one who takes off a garment on a cold day, and like vinegar on soda.
• + - 5 Earn the Rights to Speak

  Gain the trust - listen to show care

  • + - Gain a Listening Ears 1st that your advice may be accepted.
    • + - Pro 25:12
      • + - Like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.
        • Gain the trust first v13
  • + - Trustworthy Words
    • + - Pro 25:13
      • Like the cold of snow in the time of harvest is a faithful messenger to those who send him; he refreshes the soul of his masters.
• + - 6 Content

  Factual, Terse, Encourage

  • + - Truthful Words
    • + - Truthful - No Boasting
      • + - Pro 25:14
        • Like clouds and wind without rain is a man who boasts of a gift he does not give.
    • + - Lie not
      • + - Pro 25:18
        • A man who bears false witness against his neighbor is like a war club, or a sword, or a sharp arrow.
  • + - Few good words - Not Long message
    • + - Pro 25:16
      • If you have found honey, eat only enough for you, lest you have your fill of it and vomit it.
  • + - Good News

    Encourage, Comfort

    • + - Pro 25:25
      • Like cold water to a thirsty soul, so is good news from a far country.
• + - 7 Manner: Gentle & patient
  • + - Pro 25:15
    • With patience a ruler may be persuaded, and a soft tongue will break a bone.
• + - 8 Things to Avoid
  • + - Interfere Not
    • + - Pro 25:17
      • Let your foot be seldom in your neighbor's house, lest he have his fill of you and hate you.
  • + - Believe Not Treacherous Man
    • + - Pro 25:19
      • Trusting in a treacherous man in time of trouble is like a bad tooth or a foot that slips.
  • + - Bad-mouthing Not
    • + - Pro 25:23
      • The north wind brings forth rain, and a backbiting tongue, angry looks.
  • + - Quarrels Not
    • + - Pro 25:24
      • It is better to live in a corner of the housetop than in a house shared with a quarrelsome wife.
  • + - Compromise Not
    • + - Pro 25:26
      • Like a muddied spring or a polluted fountain is a righteous man who gives way before the wicked.
• + - 9 Attitudes
  • + - Love - for Others
    • + - Pro 25:21
      • If your enemy is hungry, give him bread to eat, and if he is thirsty, give him water to drink,
    • + - Pro 25:22
      • for you will heap burning coals on his head, and the LORD will reward you.
  • + - Humility - No Self-Glorification
    • + - Pro 25:27
      • It is not good to eat much honey,

        Don't overdo

      • nor is it glorious to seek one's own glory.

        no self-glorification

  • + - Self Control
    • + - Pro 25:28
      • + - A man without self-control is like a city broken into and left without walls.
        • + - be gentle v15
          • + - be concise v16
            • be loving v21
        • + - be humble v27
          • not overdo v27

 

The Christmas Gift is More than Just Salvation

What is your meditation during this festive time?

Christain would like to tell the world that Christmas is about Jesus Christ and not Satan Claus. Jesus Christ is God's greatest gift to mankind - the salvation of man. What will be your Christmas message to others?

Over the years, I have quite a few meditations to share. This year is about unwrapping this Gift to discover more about what is contained in it - the seven provisions.

The greatest gift of Christmas is Jesus Christ - He came to reconcile us back to God by His birth as man, death for our redemption, and resurrection for our eternal life. We must understand that this gift is not just for our salvation but for our growth into maturity, into Christ-likeness (Romans 8:29). 

Derek Prince, in "How to Apply the Blood of Jesus" shows us the seven steps or the seven provisions.

1. Redemption - Say: "Through the blood of Jesus I have been redeemed out of the hand of the devil.
2. Cleansing - Say: “While I walk in the light the blood of Jesus cleanses me now and continually from all sin.”
3. Justification - Say: “Through the blood of Jesus I am justified, acquitted, not guilty, reckoned righteous, made righteous, just as if I’d never sinned.”
4. Sanctification - Say: “Through the blood of Jesus I am sanctified, made holy, set apart to God, separated from sin, made holy with God’s holiness.”
5. Life -  Say: "We’ve got the eternal, uncreated, measureless life of God Himself, a life that existed before anything was ever created, in the blood of Jesus. We are sons and daughters of God."
6. Intercession - Say: “Thank you, Lord, that even when I cannot pray, the blood of Jesus is pleading for me in heaven.”
7. Access - Say: “Thank you, God, that through the sprinkled blood of Jesus, I have access into your presence, into the holiest place of in the universe.

Remember, this gift of Jesus Christ for us, is for our total need to live a wonderful life with Him on earth and for ever more. Come to Him whenever, wherever, however, no matter what to receive His Joy.

Have a joyful Christmas 2023 and forevermore.

See also:

• The Christmas that Lao Zi Knows
• Giving & Receiving in Christmas
• The Undeserving Love of God - The True Christmas Story
• From the Peace of Christmas to Success in Life
• The Parable with the Christmas Spirit of Generosity
• A Reflection on Mary's Worship Song
• Etymology of Christmas and the Meaning of Life
• Learning from What is Said & Not Said - The Magi in Jesus Birth & the Message
• Acceptance - The Best Christmas Gift
• The Purpose of Christmas - Salvation for Good Work

What are Your KPIs for Bible Reading?

What are Your KPIs for Bible Reading?

2 weeks back, heard a pastor preaching that he set his congregation a Bible Study KPI of 10 chapters per day. He shared that a brother from China has a KPI of 20 chapters per day.

What do you think?

We have to review the objectives for Bible Study.

We study the Bible to gain the understanding, relationship, the power to change our mindset and our behavior to be more like Jesus. According to Romans 8:28, God is always working for the good of His people, and according to Romans 8:29, this good purpose is to make us like Christ.

Romans 12:2 Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

So, will reading 10 chapters a day help us to change our minds and behavior to be like Christ?

Actually, I refer OKR (Objective Key Results) to KPI( Key Performance Indicators) to focus on the objectives first rather than confuse the order and focus on the performance first.

To be more like Christ, what should be the key results? Our learning - mindset changes our behavior changes and maybe our impact on others. How can we achieve those KRs?

My preferred Bible Study method is to use a mind map software like Freeplane and to remember to apply the steps of facts, interpretation, and application.

Here is an example of studying Ps 149.

Our learning is to praise God by all means and a key is by our behavior to bring glory to God.

In summary, it is not how many chapters you read per day (which is likely a sense of pride) but what lessons have we learned and could apply to our lives to know Jesus more and to live out Jesus. More time should be spent on reflection and application rather than counting chapters read.

Lim Liat (c) 14-12-2023

The Undeserving Love of God - The True Christmas Story

We all grow up and continue to give out - "Performance-based love." This has been reflected since ancient times as in:

Ps 144v3 O LORD, what is man that you regard him,

or the son of man that you think of him?

Comment:
Man does not deserve the Lord's concern.
But God is love and does not depend on the 'deservingness' of man. We don't understand that God's love is unconditional.

v4 Man is like a breath; his days are like a passing shadow.

Comment:

    Man's life is short - why does God bother? This is the "deservingness' mentality in action again.
    But God's intention is to give eternal life to man.

    That's why God sent His son to become man and to save man from his sin by dying for man and being resurrected to give eternal life to man.

    This is the story of Christmas. God loves the undeserving man.

    May we appreciate the unconditional love of God and also love others unconditionally.

    Have a wonderful Christmas season however undeserving we may be because we are loved unconditionally by God. Let's extend that love to others as well making it a wonderful Christmas for others.

How to Live Rightly and Safely - Psa 141

 Psalm 141 Lord, Help Me to live rightly and safely

Guard our mouths, Clean our Hearts, Accept Corrections, Watch our Steps

• :1 A Psalm of David.
  • O LORD, I call upon you;hasten to me! Give ear to my voice when I call to you!
• Mouth Guard
  • Psa 141:2 Let my prayer be counted as incense before you, and the lifting up of my hands as the evening sacrifice!
  • Psa 141:3 Set a guard, O LORD, over my mouth; keep watch over the door of my lips!
• Heart - No Evil
  • Psa 141:4 Do not let my heart incline to any evil, to busy myself with wicked deeds in company with men who work iniquity, and let me not eat of their delicacies!
• Accept Correction
  • Psa 141:5 Let a righteous man strike me—it is a kindness; let him rebuke me—it is oil for my head; let my head not refuse it.
• Against Evil
  • Yet my prayer is continually against their evil deeds.
  • Psa 141:6 When their judges are thrown over the cliff, then they shall hear my words, for they are pleasant.
• Watch Our Steps

  Keep our eyes on God

  and be not tempted

  • Psa 141:7 As when one plows and breaks up the earth, so shall our bones be scattered at the mouth of Sheol.
  • Psa 141:8 But my eyes are toward you, O GOD, my Lord; in you I seek refuge; leave me not defenseless!
  • Psa 141:9 Keep me from the trap that they have laid for me and from the snares of evildoers!
  • Psa 141:10  Let the wicked fall into their own nets, while I pass by safely.

Only when we focus on God and His righteousness, then will our eyes be discerning and not fall in the temptations of evil.