2023-06-12

BSS - Verses for Addressing Confrontation

BSS - Verses for Addressing Confrontation


Preventing Confrontation
  • Proverbs 17:14
    • "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out."

      Take no offense. Forgive - See next point

  • Phi 2:3
    • Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Forgive when Offended
  • Colossians 3:13

    • "Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you."

      Unless it is a matter of sin. See Action Type#1 Correction

      Even so, find the right time, place, and with the right people

  • Proverbs 19:11

    • "A person's wisdom yields patience;

    • it is to one's glory to overlook an offense."

  • Anger is letting others' mistakes punish you - 曾仕强
Resolve the Confrontation - # pursuit of reconciliation
  • Matthew 5:9

    •  "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."

  • Romans 12:18

    • "If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace  with everyone."

      What is under your control? forgive, avoid, correct, gentleness, listening ...

      What is not under your control? The behavior of the other person.

      Can influence them by changing your attitudes and behavior towards them first.

Foundational Standards
  • mutual respect
    • apologize if the other feels he is offended
    • address the issues and not the persons
  • fair and just
    • point out if any party feels unfair and address it
  • seek win-win co-operation
    • paint a vision
    • expand the search area
    • explore and add options to the list.
    • consider intangible items
  • Christians - Love God and Others like Self
    • Matthew 22:37-39
Principle Methods
  • 以情入理立法 - Reach out to the heart, show the reasoning, establish the agreement

    # Show love, earn the rights to say/be heard,...

  • create a calm, secure, safe, and loving environment for the dialogues
Listen First

# Get their Perspective

  • James 1:19
    • Everyone should be
      • quick to listen
      • slow to speak and
      • slow to become angry
With Love & Gentleness
  • Proverbs 15:1
    • "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger."
  • Ephesians 4:2-3
    • "Be completely humble and gentle;
    • be patient, bearing with one another in love.
    • Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace."
  • Galatians 6:1

    • "Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently.

    • But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted."

      # Stay clear of the opposite sex. Bring witnesses. Bring spouse.

  • Ephesians 4:15
    • "Instead, speaking the truth in love,

      # Truth could be hurtful. Package it in love.

    • we will grow to become in every respect the mature body of him who is the head, that is, Christ."

      # The standard is Jesus Christ - What will Christ do?

Action Type #1 Correction
  • Matthew 18:15
    • "If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault,
    • just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over."

      # make sure of same-sex if one-to-one.

  • Proverbs 27:5-6
    • "Better is open rebuke than hidden love.

      # Love is correction with gentleness and help

    • Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses."

      # Make sure it is a friend. Watch out for flatteries.

  • Galatians 2:14

    • 14 But when I saw that their conduct was not in step with the truth  of the gospel, I said to Cephas before them all, “If you, though a Jew, live like a Gentile and not like a Jew, how can you force the Gentiles to live like Jews?”

    • (Gal 2:14) 但我一看见他们行的不正，与福音的真理不合，就在众人面前对矶法说：你既是犹太人，若随外邦人行事，不随犹太人行事，怎么还勉强外邦人随犹太人呢？
Action Type #2 Escape
  • 1 Sam 19:10

    • And Saul sought to pin David to the wall with the spear, but he eluded Saul so that he struck
       the spear into the wall. And David fled and escaped that night.

      # When the situation is not right e.g. danger. Run. Wait for future opportunities.

Action Type #3 Co-operate
  • Phi 2:2-4

    • 2) complete my joy by being of the same mind,

      having the same love, being in full accord, and of one mind.

    • Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.

    • Let each of you look not only to his own interests

      but also to the interests of others.

Action Type #4 Principle-Centred
  • Rom 14:12-13

    Pre-Judge Not

    • 12 So then each of us will give an account of himself to God. Therefore let us not pass judgment on one another any longer, but rather decide never to put a stumbling block or hindrance in the way of a brother.
  • 1Cor 10:23-24
    • “All things are lawful,” but not all things are helpful. “
    • All things are lawful,” but not all things build up.

      # Lawful + Loving

    • Let no one seek his own good, but the good of his neighbor.
  • 1 Cor 10:31,33

    • So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

      # Does it glorify God?

    • just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, so that they may be saved.
Heeding Correction Brings Growth
  • Proverbs 15:31-32

    • "Whoever heeds life-giving correction will be at home among the wise.

    • Those who disregard discipline despise themselves,
    • but the one who heeds correction gains understanding."
  • Proverbs 10:17

    •  "Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray."

Summary addressing conflicts
  • in a loving and respectful manner
    • use
      • gentle words
      • active listening,
      • pursuit of reconciliation.
  • seeking to restore relationships
    • peace,
    • patience
    • forgiveness
    • humility
    • effective communication
  • promote growth and understanding
    • Healthy Relationships
Prayer
May the Lord gives us the grace and wisdom to live out His commandment that we should love one another. It is by our love that others know that we are His disciples. So let us not stir trouble and quarrels, forgive when offended, and at our best try to live in peace with everyone. Nevertheless, there is a need to resolve any conflicts that arise. Maybe address the hearts first, showing love and care to gain the trust and listening ears. Then present the reasoning clearly that we may end with an agreement for actions and growth in healthy relationships. May the community of our Lord be united in love, understanding, and mutual support, to show forth the saving grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.



 

 Lim Liat (c) 12 Jun 23

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读经分享 - 冲突 解决冲突的经文 

  • 预防冲突
    • 箴言 17:14
      • 纷争的起头如水放开，所以，在争闹之先必当止息争竞。

        不要生气。宽恕 - 见下一点

    • 腓立比书 2:3
      • 凡事不可结党，不可贪图虚浮的荣耀；只要存心谦卑，各人看别人比自己强。
  • 被冒犯时宽恕
    • 歌罗西书 3:13
      • "容忍彼此，彼此宽恕，若有人怨恨人，总要彼此宽恕，怎样主怎样宽恕你们，你们也要怎样宽恕人。"

        除非是关乎罪。参见行动类型＃1 更正

        即使如此，找到正确的时间、地点和正确的人

    • 箴言 19:11
      • "人有见识，就不轻易发怒；
      • 宽恕人的过失，便是自己的荣耀。"
    • 生气是让别人的错误惩罚你 - 曾仕强
  • 解决冲突

    # 追求和解

    • 马太福音 5:9
      • "使人和睦的人有福了！因为他们必称为神的儿子。"
    • 罗马书 12:18
      • "若是能行，总要尽力与众人和睦。"

        在你控制范围内的是什么？宽恕、避免、更正、温和、倾听...

        在你控制范围之外的是什么？对方的行为。

        通过改变你对他们的态度和行为，影响他们。

  • 基本标准
    • 相互尊重
      • 如果对方感到冒犯，道歉
      • 解决问题而非攻击人
    • 公平公正
      • 如果任何一方感到不公平，指出并解决
    • 寻求双赢合作
      • 展示一个愿景
      • 扩大搜索范围
      • 探索并添加选项到清单中
      • 考虑无形的因素
    • 基督徒 - 爱神和像自己一样爱别人
      • 马太福音 22:37-39
  • 主要的方法：
    • 以情入理立法 - 触及内心，展示推理，建立共识

      # 展示爱，赢得说话/被倾听的权利...

    • 为对话创造一个平静、安全、温馨和充满爱的环境
  • 先倾听

    # 获得他们的观点

    • 雅各书 1:19
      • 每个人都要
        • 迅速听，慢慢说，慢慢发怒
  • 以爱和温和的方式
    • 箴言 15:1
      • "回答柔和，能止息争端，言语暴戾，能激起怒气。"
    • 以弗所书 4:2-3
      • "凡事谦虚、温柔、
      • 忍耐，用爱心互相宽容，以和平彼此联络，
      • 竭力保守圣灵所赐合一的心。"
    • 加拉太书 6:1
      • 弟兄们，若有人偶然被过犯所胜，你们属灵的人就当用温柔的心把他挽回过来
      • 又当自己小心，恐怕也被引诱。

        # 避免与异性接触。带上证人。带上配偶。

    • 以弗所书 4:15
      • 惟用爱心说诚实话

        # 真相可能会带来伤害. 要用爱包装

      • 凡事长进，连于元首基督，

        # 耶稣是我们行为的标准。耶稣会怎样做？

  • 行动类型＃1 更正
    • 马太福音 18:15
      • 倘若你的弟兄得罪你，你就去，趁着只有他和你在一处的时候，指出他的错来。他若听你，你便得了你的弟兄；

        # make sure of same sex if one to one.

    • 箴言 27:5-6
      • 当面的责备 强如背地的爱情

        # 爱是温柔和帮助的纠正

      • 朋友加的伤痕出于忠诚；仇敌连连亲嘴却是多余。

        # 确保它是朋友先才听。当心奉承。

    • 加拉太书 2:14
      • 但我一看见他们行的不正，与福音的真理不合，就在众人面前对矶法说：你既是犹太人，若随外邦人行事，不随犹太人行事，怎么还勉强外邦人随犹太人呢？
  • 行动类型＃2 逃避
    • 撒母耳记上 19:10
      • 扫罗用枪想要刺透大卫，钉在墙上；他却躲开， 扫罗的枪刺入墙内。当夜大卫逃走，躲避了。

        # 当情况不对，比如危险时。逃跑，等待未来的机会

  • 行动类型＃3 合作
    • 腓立比书 2:2-4
      • 你们就要意念相同，爱心相同，有一样的心思， 有一样的意念，使我的喜乐可以满足。
      • 凡事不可结党，不可贪图虚浮的荣耀； 只要存心谦卑，各人看别人比自己强。

      • 各人不要单顾自己的事，也要顾别人的事。

  • 行动类型＃4 以原则为中心
    • 罗马 14:12-13

      # 不要预先判断

      • 这样看来，我们各人必要将自己的事在神面前说明。

      • 所以，我们不可再彼此论断，

      • 宁可定意谁也不给弟兄放下绊脚跌人之物。
    • 林前10:23-24
      • 凡事都可行，但不都有益处。
      • 凡事都可行，但不都造就人。

        # 合律法 + 有爱心

      • 无论何人，不要求自己的益处，乃要求别人的益处。
    • 林前 10:31,33
      • 所以，你们或吃或喝，无论做甚么，都要为荣耀神而行。

        # 那样做 会荣耀神吗？

      • 就好象我凡事都叫众人喜欢，不求自己的益处， 只求众人的益处，叫他们得救。
  • 顺从纠正带来成长
    • 箴言 15:31-32
      • 听从生命责备的，必常在智慧人中。
      • 弃绝管教的，轻看自己的生命；
      • 听从责备的，却得智慧。
    • 箴言 10:17
      • "谁遵守训诲的，乃在生命的道上；违弃责备的，便失迷了路。
  • 总结解决冲突的方法
    • 用充满爱和尊重的方式
      • 使用
        • 温和的言辞
        • 积极倾听
        • 追求和解
    • 寻求恢复关系
      • 和平、耐心、宽恕、谦卑
      • 有效沟通
    • 促进成长和理解
      • 健康的关系
  • 祷告
    • 愿主赐给我们恩典和智慧，活出祂要我们彼此相爱的诫命。因着我们的爱，别人才知道我们是祂的门徒。因此，让我们不要惹是生非和争吵，当被冒犯时原谅，并尽我们最大的努力与大家和睦相处。然而，有必要解决出现的任何冲突。也许首先要解决心灵问题，表现出爱和关怀以获得信任和倾听。然后清楚地提出推理，我们可能会以在健康关系中采取行动和发展的协议结束。愿我主的团体在爱、理解和相互支持中团结起来，彰显我们主耶稣基督的救赎恩典。阿门。


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